Hard Times

You know when you get down about something and you get that feeling that your just about to cry your eyes out?  Well, that's me.  Tony has been without a job for 2 months almost.  He went from working as an Electronic technician to being called in to Wal-Mart interview to be a cart pusher.  Not to mention it is only temporary work.  I've started putting in applications too.  Sure we have his retirement but that is only 1400 for an entire month.  Add $55,000 in debt to that and it equals bankrupcy.

I think what hit hard was today is my Aunt's 50th Birthday.  She is having her dinner at Cracker Barrel which is one of her favorite restruants.  We can't go because we literally have $20 to our name.  My parents are going because my dad got paid.  What makes it upsetting for me is we have bought $1000 in groceries, paid the phone bill and paid the utilites.  That isn't including toilet paper, washing power, dish soap, pull-ups, diapers, etc.  We are broke and they are going to dinner.  Did I mention we are out of food to cook?

I don't know.  Maybe it is just my stress getting to me.  I just wish God could give me a break.

Lost For Words

Last night one thing lead to another.  It was really no big deal as it involved my 5 year old.  We all know at some point all 5 year old's can be annoying.  Then soon as I turned my back my sister hit my neice in the face with a wooden paddle.  I couldn't believe it.  I just had to keep walking before I took the fucking paddle and hit my sister in the face with it.  It was totally uncalled for.  I could just see the hurt in her eyes and I knew as soon as I turned my back my neice was sitting there wondering why didn't I help her.  My heart was at my feet all night and even had nightmares because of it.

I have to watch what I say or how much I say.  Her father's mother (her grandmother) has been cut out of there lives after she would go there and tell her what was going on.  She is now taking him to court for grandparent rights.

I gave her a hug and told her I loved her.  I told her to hang in there and try to be as good as possible to avoid them touching her.  I told her Tony and I would be building our house soon and she could live with us if she wanted.  She understands she wouldn't be doing whatever she wanted.  She would still get discipline but would be far from hitting her in the face with a wooden paddle.

This is one of those moments that I will remember the rest of my life.