Hard Times

You know when you get down about something and you get that feeling that your just about to cry your eyes out?  Well, that's me.  Tony has been without a job for 2 months almost.  He went from working as an Electronic technician to being called in to Wal-Mart interview to be a cart pusher.  Not to mention it is only temporary work.  I've started putting in applications too.  Sure we have his retirement but that is only 1400 for an entire month.  Add $55,000 in debt to that and it equals bankrupcy.

I think what hit hard was today is my Aunt's 50th Birthday.  She is having her dinner at Cracker Barrel which is one of her favorite restruants.  We can't go because we literally have $20 to our name.  My parents are going because my dad got paid.  What makes it upsetting for me is we have bought $1000 in groceries, paid the phone bill and paid the utilites.  That isn't including toilet paper, washing power, dish soap, pull-ups, diapers, etc.  We are broke and they are going to dinner.  Did I mention we are out of food to cook?

I don't know.  Maybe it is just my stress getting to me.  I just wish God could give me a break.

Lost For Words

Last night one thing lead to another.  It was really no big deal as it involved my 5 year old.  We all know at some point all 5 year old's can be annoying.  Then soon as I turned my back my sister hit my neice in the face with a wooden paddle.  I couldn't believe it.  I just had to keep walking before I took the fucking paddle and hit my sister in the face with it.  It was totally uncalled for.  I could just see the hurt in her eyes and I knew as soon as I turned my back my neice was sitting there wondering why didn't I help her.  My heart was at my feet all night and even had nightmares because of it.

I have to watch what I say or how much I say.  Her father's mother (her grandmother) has been cut out of there lives after she would go there and tell her what was going on.  She is now taking him to court for grandparent rights.

I gave her a hug and told her I loved her.  I told her to hang in there and try to be as good as possible to avoid them touching her.  I told her Tony and I would be building our house soon and she could live with us if she wanted.  She understands she wouldn't be doing whatever she wanted.  She would still get discipline but would be far from hitting her in the face with a wooden paddle.

This is one of those moments that I will remember the rest of my life.

Sardines In A Can

If anymore people move in this house we will be sardines in a can.  The recent one to move in was my sister.  After a drama Sunday night.  Her abusive boyfriend kicked her out that ended with the cops being called.  This 3 bedroom house can't get any bigger.  We are suppose to be staying here until after the new year.  We're hoping for our tax money to help us out alot to get a house.  Tony is still unemployed.  So is my Dad and brother.  Next monday we have an appointment to get food stamps.  Tony starts school December 1st.  he only likes 4 more classes to be finished with his Associate's Degree.  Hopefully, I will be done with my Criminal Justice degree next year.  Thankfully, we have a family friend, Mr. Buck Watson where I can hopefully do an intership with.  He is top notch lawyer here in Huntsville.  He & my grandfather were real good friends.

Well my health is semi stable.  I'm going in to oral surgery today to see about getting another tooth pulled.  Fun.  Fun.  Hopefully I see my new doctors within the next 2 weeks so I don't miss no doses of my Humira.  Well that's all for now.  Until next time. 

Tooth Pain

Yep, again.  This time it is on the right side.  I have an appointment on Thursday.  I tried calling to see if they could get me in earlier but they didn't have room.  Aleve, Tylenol, Excedrine (which I'm not suppose to take) are not working what so ever.  Thanking God it isn't hurtin' to bad right now.  Hopefully, it stays that way until 1:30pm on Thursday when I see Dr. Griffin.

Scrimmage

Went to my neice's scrimmage basketball game.  Their coach has alot of work to do.  Overall, they did o.k. but I think it opened their eyes of how hard you gotta hustle against a team.  Hannah said I needed to be their coach.  ha.

Anyways, last week for this term @ Herzing.  New classes start next week.  Things are moving right along.

Welcome Home!

It has been a long 2 weeks.  From the news of Tony's lay off to the moving sale to packing to travelling cross country with 4 kids.  I managed to drive over 1700 miles in 15 "moving hours".  I was so ready to get home and the kids were so tried of being in the car seats.  My parents are thrilled we are back.  Not sure who is more happy, my mother or father.
Now we are in the process of trying to find a place to live other than my parents house, getting the kids enrolled into school and finding Tony a job.  I'm working hard to keep up with school but proving to be difficult with everything that is going on.
My family wants us to visit but after such a long trip, I'm not moving from this recliner for a few days!

Stop the urge!

I have been so stressed out these last couple of weeks, I want a cigarette more and more.  Up until this point I haven't craved a cigarette or even wanted one.  My husband smokes and it never bothered me.  Between Tony being laid off, to selling all stuff, the kids, moving cross country to Alabama and now school is on top of that.  I have a research paper due in 3 weeks.  I have other assignments due by sunday that I haven't finished yet.  I still have packing to do, cleaning up the house, taking out the garbage, etc.  Then I get to listen to Tony and Matthew bitch with each other.  I seriously, seriously, wonder how I survive.  I'm so overwhelmed and stressed beyond belief.  It's for my kids.  I have to keep telling myself that.  No more smoking!  I gotta buy some gum or something.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today is my 28th birthday!  Although it does not feel like it with this move.  I feel like there is still so much to do and really have no motivation to do anything.  With my husband being laid off this past Friday we have no choice but to move back home to Sweet ole Alabama.  I was told all birthdays were on hold until later.  That is fine with me because I will be with people I love.  More importantly, we will be back home for Matt's birthday so there will be quite a few people to share it with besides just his small family of 6.

My only wish is that this next year be a much better one especially with my health.  Thank You, God for another year on this earth!

Happy Birthday to me!

The Lay Off

It has happened.  The economy finally caught up with us.  My husband was laid off of work this past Friday.  I never thought we would be in the horrible situation that million of other Americans are going through now.  We are currently in the middle of moving to Alabama.  This past weekend we held a moving sale to earn money to help us move.  We did fairly good considering.

The reason for the lay off is because Northrup Grumman won the government contract on the Naval base that Lockheed Martin held.  Something way beyond my husband's control.  He is a hard worker, never late for work and excellent problem solver. 

The whole experience has taken an emotional toll on all of us.  Matthew is having to relocate to yet another school.  I feel so bad for him.  All he wants is a permenant place to live and have friends without the fear of having to move again.  My three youngest ones are lost and I do my best explaining to them what is going on.  Everyday they ask me if we are moving yet?  As for my husband, well he feels horrible.  From the time we meet, got married and after we had kids he was the main bread winner for our family.  I wanted to stay home and raise our children as I assumed that would be best for them and us.  I know he is stresses and worried for us, but I'm very proud of him.  As for me, I'm trying to stay positive the best I can.  I thought when he told me the news, I was going to cry but I managed to hold it together.

Like everything else in my life, I know this has happened for a reason.  It may be God's way of saying I need to be with family so they can help me take care of my children as my health tends to have a mind of its own.  For that reason, I will not question it.  I know your not promised tomorrow but I can't help but look up and see hope, faith and love in front of me.  My little clan of 6 + our dog will stick together and that is all that matters.

I just pray that when we settle in Alabama, that God will bless my husband with another job to help take care of us.

Return to Hell

The husband is going to pick the kid, step-kid, this coming weekend.  Just the thought of him coming back is making my stomach un-easy.  It will be back to the same ole bullshit just like before.  Trips the ER, stays in the hospital.  The kid doesn't care about anybody but himself.  To hell with my health.  Think I'm going to go vomit now.

I predicted my son would be born before on my birthday, it was true.  He was delivered 12 weeks early and 9 days before my birthday.

I predicted I was on the verge of death or serious internal issues.  True.  5 days in the hospital, 9 IV bags of fluid and 5 bags of steroids.

Now.........

I will predict that this kid will be the cause of a divorce because I will no longer stand by and take his BS; neither will my kids.  Who by the way hasn't mentioned his name from the day he left.

Off to plan my escape out.

Seriously?!

I signed up for fingerhut.  ( www.fingerhut.com ) Of course I get approved for credit; good credit at all.  Anyways, I get my card in the mail today.  You have call this 1-800 number to verify the card.  So, I call.  I tell the lady my name and account number.  She then asks me to spell my name.  Ok, that I did. 

THEN.....

The "NON" American woman told me she COULD NOT verify my account because of BACKGROUND NOISE!!  I just sat in silence because I thought what she was saying was a joke.  Then she asks if I was still there.  Well, yeah.  So, she repeats it. 

I asked to speak with someone about this because this "rule" was absolutely ABSURD!  Then she suggests I call back when my children are ASLEEP?!!!!

The only thing I could say was, "I guess I won't be calling back." and hung up on her.  Another second I would of being spitting profanity out of my mouth faster than white can get on rice.

I sent customer service a nasty email about this.  I informed them if I had to silence my children just to verify a damn card then I wanted to speak with an AMERICAN that spoke PLAIN, UNDERSTANDABLE ENGLISH!!!!!

People are so stupid.  I hate stupid people.

Self-Tested! Mother approved!

Self-Tested! Mother approved!

Want to grow your business?

Want to grow your business?

To Listen or Not to Listen?

We all do it.  We all did it.  To listen or Not to listen?

Growing up I remember my Aunt giving my mother a board that was designed and read, "What part of NO don't you understand?  The N or the O?"  Or you may have heard your parents say, "Don't do as I do, Do as I say!"  I always thought that last one was a little wack.

Having children of my own now I'm always asking myself, "Why don't my children listen?"  Then you get this feeling your parents little ghost is standing behind you whispering, "Pay back is a bitch!"  I hear my mother's whispers all the time.  Trust me.

I was surfin' around on the web and I came across a few things that surprised me and others that left me speechless.  Let me share.

Getting Your Kid To Listen For Dummies

A book for dummies?  Seriously?  Makes me giggle wondering where my copy of, "How to Raise Children for Dummies" book is located.

Second, I came across this website:

A Child Beating

I have to say this article left me completely speechless.  By the time I finished reading it I was ready to punch this dude in the face.  You can raise children to be respectful, honest, open-minded and contribute to society in a good way without beating them.  This article came across to me as child abuse.  We cannot look in the past of how kids were raised in the 60's, 70's or even 80's.  That time was different than 2010 as I'm sure 2025 will be different from today.

Do I pop my children?  Absolutely.  Normally, it is with good cause and they are in danger.  My youngest daughter decided she was going to continue touching my stove while I was cooking.  She reached up and nearly placed her hand on a red hot burner.  Now, when my daughter is close to the stove she says, "Hot!  Burn the baby!" and she does not touch it.

There is a place and time for everything.  Some parents are going to raise their kids one way, while other's believe in a totally different up bringing.

Just keep in mind the next time your kid does not listen to you, remind yourself that one point and time you were the same way.  You listen to your children, they will in turn listen to you.

Happy Parenting!

Crohn's Disease

What is Crohn's Disease?  To be blunt, it is a shitty disease- Literally.

I was diagnosed May 2006 with this disease.  I had never heard of this disease but apparently it contributed to the early birth of my 1st child, a son, 12 weeks premature.  My first question that came up was, "Am I going to die?"  The simple answer was no.

Crohn's Disease can affect the gastrointestinal tract from your mouth down to your anus.  It does not discriminate and could care less which part of your guts it attacks.

It has only been in the last 5 years or so, that Crohn's Disease as come to the for front of being acknowledged.  There are walks organized to raise money, there is T.V. commericals about the disease and alot more research is being done all over the world to try to pinpoint the cause of this disease.

Since 2006, I have been on just about every hardcore drug they offer to help manage this disease.  When I was first diagnosed, I was placed on four Asacol a day and Prednisone.  The Prednisone is a steroid and requires a taper.  Normally, I would start at 40mg and work my way down to .5mg.  The steroids helped me a lot but when I got down to 10mg, my body would go back into the routine of diaherra 7 days straight.  Then the dose was raised again.  Even to this day, I'm on Prednisone.

Prednisone comes with alot of risk.  Your body takes a huge hit from his drug.  It is a steroid.  You gain alot of weight and you get what they call the "Moon Face".  This drug can also shut my kidneys down.  So, doctors don't like you being on it for a long period of time.

October 2006, I found out I was pregnant with our second child.  My regular Gastroenterologist (GI), Dr. Barry Ross, referred me to Yale University to be monitored through my pregnancy by the top notch doctor's in the country.  He had never treated a pregnant patient with Crohn's and being on the drugs I were on.  For him to refer me just goes to show how much of a doctor he truly is and how much he cares about his patients to get the right treatments.

June 2007, I gave birth to a little baby girl 5 weeks early.  She was very healthy weighing 5lbs 15oz.  During that pregnancy I took Prednisone throughout the pregnancy; throttled on 20mg a day.  To this day, there is no evidence that my medication affected my daughter.

Later that year, my family and I moved back home to Alabama.  It was recommended for me to meet my new GI doctor and it was also recommended that I start Remicade.  Indeed, I was prescribed this IV Therapy.  January 2008 my husband and I found that we were pregnant with our third child.  This was not expected.  Matter of fact, I stayed in denial just about the entire pregnancy.  It was decided that we would continue my Remicade treatment which was every 8 weeks.  My GI and OB doctor worked together to manage my care.

With me being pregnant was a job in itself.  I have what is know as a Bicornuate Uterus.  The second strike against me was my body didn't produce Progesterone.  Weeks 6 until 15 weeks I took progesterone pills daily.  From weeks 15 until weeks 28, I had to take progesterone shots.  Crohn's Disease, strike three.

We continued with my IV therapy until week 32.  The doctors were afraid that the Remicade would cross my placenta into the baby so this was the reason for the stop.

Dealing with Depression, 2 small children, a step-son that was rebelling, and dealing with a pregnancy was enough for one person to bare.  However, I can happily say that my third child was my only full term baby.  I went into labor on my own at 37 weeks 5 days.  She was also my heavist baby weighing in at 7lb 4oz.  She was very healthy and to this day there is no evidence that my Remicade treatments affected her at all.

Crohn's Disease can suck the life out of you.  It is always in the front of your mind.  Going out in public you map out the bathrooms.  Explaining the disease is embarassing.  Sharing your health issues with family or close friends can be very embarassing, leaving you with depression and asking yourself, "Why me?"

I cannot say I've had it easy.  It has been a very long road, even to this day.  I spent 5 days in the hospital beginning of July 2010 for severe dehydration.  I had 3 weeks of diaherra.  Yes, you saw that correctly.  Three weeks.  After 9 bags of IV fluids and 5 bags of steroids, I finally felt like myself again.

I'm currently on Humira.  I have to give myself shots every 2 weeks.  I have also been placed back on Prednisone.  I currently see a Rheumatologist for Rheumatoid Arthritis.  When my Crohn's flares, my joints tend to swell.  I am also on other medication for dry eyes and mouth as the disease dries you up.  I have also been warned that all my teeth will eventually fall out.

You try not to dwell on the negatives of this disease and you try to follow all that your doctor has asked of you, but sometimes that can be difficult as your body does what it wants too.  I am very pleased that Crohn's Disease is coming to the for front to educate individuals.  People need to understand this disease and not judge us.  We may look normal on the outside but on the inside we are fighting a never ending war.

Please Support the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America!  We need all the help we can get and find a cure for this disease!

Donate Now!!  Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America  Thank You!!

It's Great! - Moen 7560C Extensa Kitchen Faucet - Viewpoints

It's Great! - Moen 7560C Extensa Kitchen Faucet - Viewpoints

Random Check Point

The width strains against the failing hate.

Work at Home Search

For the past several weeks I've been searching high and low for ways to work at home and make a little extra income.  We are to get our debt paid down plus we are trying to save to move back to Alabama.  All this hard to do with 4 kids.

I found these sites and decided to join them.  They were free.  It is no get rich over night but could potentially be a decent money maker with referrals.  Getting referrals isn't easy unless of course you have the money for ads or buying market leads.

The first of the sites that I joined was:




Next was:


After those two, I kept searching.  It seems everything I ran across had very bad reviews that mentioned being scammed.  So, then it was back to square one.

I came across this site and joined.  Of course it is free to join too.



This site is true.  It does pay you to few websites for 30 seconds, however, the sites only pay $0.01-$0.05 cents per site.  So, you have to have to view a lot of sites and get lots of referrals.  I've managed to get 3 referrals so far.

I continued with my search.  I cam across a great websites for mother's that are looking to work from home.  Work at Home Mom is a great board to look for jobs and meet other mother's as it has a forum section.

Here is another that I joined, again free, but I'm not sure if I like it or understand how they credit there accounts.




Finally, I was searching the www.wahm.com site and noticed a mom's signature.  It said I could get paid to twitter.  Of course I didn't use to twitter but I've recently started.  I actually like because the people you follow share things you were unaware of or link sites that might could be interest to you.



I continue to search on a daily basis almost to the point of be obsessed with finding a job that I do at home.  I would love nothing more than to be one of those people that advertise, "I made $37,000 in as little as 5 months!".  Somehow, I find that to be alittle off.  Especially in the same sentence it says, "For just $37.99", I can show how to achieve $37,000 like I did."  If your making that kind of money then why are you charging people?  Thirty-Seven dollars would be like pennies to someone that makes so much in so little months.

Feel free to check out any of the sites I have listed.  They are completely free to join.

Earn money for surfing the net with FusionCash...

Earn money for surfing the net with FusionCash...

R.I.P Uncle D

Yesterday our family learned that my uncle, 'Uncle D', was killed in a motorcycle accident.  He was the oldest of the clan.  He leaves behind a wife, 3 children, a grandson, 6 sisters, 3 brothers and countless number of nieces and nephews.  He worked for the FAA.

News Report

My family is still in shock of his death and angry.  Mr. Brewer was not wearing any protective or reflective gear and ran a stop sign.  My uncle was on his way to work when the accident happened.  He was killed on impact due to a broke neck.  I totally understand why the family is angry because this could of been avoided if Mr. Brewer was more pro-active in his riding.  I know in my heart that it was just that an accident.  There was no intent to kill or hurt anyone.  Mr. Brewer will have to live with the fact that he contributed to a man's death for the rest of his, if he is given that chance.  Uncle D died doing something he truly loved.  He loved his Harley.  I know Uncle D would not want us to harbor ill will towards Mr. Brewer and in time I'm sure my family can forgive him at some point.

Funeral services are Thursday in Tifton, GA.  Uncle D we love you & will miss you!  We will meet again.  Until then, Rest In Peace, Delano Nickelson.

Uncle D at his Oldest son, Chase, wedding

Uncle D dancing with his beautiful wife of MANY years, Delores

Meat Wagon

Well, as you know I had been struggling to recovery from my crohn's relapse.  This past Saturday night I took myself to the ER.  After being evaluated, the doctor informed me that I was being transferred to Madigan Army Medical Center in Fort Lewis, WA.  I knew I was sick but I didn't think I was that sick.  I was so dehydrated they didn't know how I was still functioning.  I had 9, NINE, IV bags of fluid, 5 rounds of IV treatment.  Was put on diabetic diet due to the steroids raising my blood sugar and had to receive insulin during my stay.  I had severe throat pain so they planned to do a EDG on me.  They wanted to do colonoscopy at the same time but I couldn't drink that nasty crap with my throat on fire.  So it was cancelled.  The EDG came back good.  They said the reason for the throat pain is a fungal infection which is side effect/cause of me taking Humira.  So, basically I can't win for losing.

After 4 days at home I'm glad to be back home.  I'm on a crap load of medications but I'm hanging in there.  Thanks for all the well wishes from all my friends and family.

6th Wedding Anniversary

Today, six years ago, My husband and I wed in Veteran's Memorial Park in downtown Westerly, Rhode Island.  It was both of our 2nd marriage so we both very nervous.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  A few of my family members drove up from Alabama to be with us on our special day.  My mom had flown in a few days earlier.  On June 24th, me and my family to a train down to New York City.  That was the first time my family had ever been on a train, first time on a subway and first time in a huge city that is in super lightening speed to get where you need to go.  We took a boat ride out on the harbor.  The skyline of the city was absolutely beautiful.  Then we stopped by the statue of liberty.  She was a marval.  Seeing her standing there only made me that more proud to be an American.  Lastly, we ventured down to the huge clock.  When I say huge, it was huge!

On the day of our wedding, my mom and I went to get our hair and nails done.  My other family members went to park to make sure everything was in order.  My limo showed up to take me.  I had never felt more sick in my life.  I was happy but very, very nervous.  I remember when we got there, the people that was walking on the sidewalk keep staring at our limo.  For fun I cracked my window and put my arm out and waved.  Before I knew it alot of people there.  One guy even came up to the limo.  I should mention our limo driver was retired veteran that served in Vietam so it made it that much more special.  When we stopped my limo driver opened the door and extended his hand to help me out.  My mother was standing beside me.  The driver said, "You're not gonna faint on me now are ya?  You look really pail."  I told him and tried to stay focused.  I really was bout to pass out and even leaned up against my mom.  The park was filled with all those people that, I'm guessing, thought I was famous or something.  My mother walked me down the aisle and she was also my maid of honor.  I love her so much.  Tony was crying his eyeballs out.  When he was saying his vows, he could barely make it through them because he was crying so much.

When it was over we had to pay the justice of the peace.  Not having my head on straight, I forgot the money at home and he was getting kind of rude since he had another ceramony at 6pm.  he shouldn't have booked so close together.  Thankfully, one of my aunts had enough money to pay him.  We had our reception at a local VFW.  We had a blast!

Not only am I proud that I married the best man in the world, I'm also proud of my wedding.  I planned our entire wedding from flowers, to tuxs and wedding gowns to nail and hair to limo to reserving the VFW for my reception hall.  I did everything under $3,500.  Oh and I had professional pictures done.  My gown had about a 3 foot train on it.  It was absolutely stunning and the most expensive of everything.  My flowers I ordered off ebay.  This lady made beautiful arrangements with fake flowers.  You wouldn't know they were fake unless you were inspecting them.  My whole theme was red, white and blue.  All military attending wore their uniforms including my husband.

Besides the birth of our three children, June 25, 2004 was one of the best days of my life.  I'm honored to be married to such a wonderful and caring man.  No matter the storms that have came into our lives he was there holding my hand tight and we fought through together.  It is a constant reminder when he is there taking care of me in my time of illness.  He is the love of my life and I'm truly blessed!  To many more to come...

CPS

I had stopped cleaning my kitchen floor as I was headed to get my broom from the hall closet.  The door bell rings.  I can see out the door as there is a yellow ford mustang sitting in my driveway.  I go down the stairs, open the door and the lady says, "You must be Tisha."  Not knowing who this person was or how she knew my name, she then continues, "I'm a CPS worker and here to investigate a case."

I welcome the lady into my home.  I let her know I had to go wake my husband up as he was napping.  They sit down at the table to discuss things.  I just couldn't sit.  My body had done went into defensive, flight mode.  The only thing that keep flashing in my mind was "No one is taken my babies". 

Apparently, Matthew told the CPS worker that he got 500, yes, FIVE HUNDRED, spankings in ONE night.  Are you kidding me?  I have not received that many in a lifetime!  She started asking if we have had drug problems or mental health issues.  I almost wanted to say, "Yeah, because that child's absurb behavior is driving me insane!"  Then she wanted numbers to people that have seen me and my husband with our children.  There is not a single person that knows me, that has a single bad thing to say about me because they all know with 100% that I would literally lay my life down for my children and my children are nothing but spoiled rotten.  I can only image my mom talking to that lady as she will prolly start crying.

There are alot of things in my life that I am not proud of or I could of done better.  Becoming a mother has been the best thing to happen in my life.  Everything I do, I do it for my children.  You mess with my cubs, I will maul you.  You approach my children with dignity and respect, then I just might let you have the privilage to know them.

The case is being closed.

Relapse

I have entered into another relapse.  It is taking everything I have just to focus and take care of my daughters.  I can't stop going to bathroom and I'm puking.  I've lost 10lbs in 2 days.  I feel like my throat is on fire because of the acid.  I can't eat anything because anything I eat, 30min to an hour later, it comes back up.  I took my Humira on Monday and no changes.  I can't be sick.  I have 4 kids and a husband that depend on me.  Tony doesn't have any days left that he can take off or else he would.  I think I am gonna have to go to the ER.  Moments like this is when I ask my self why me?  Moments like this is when I give myself pity.  Moments like these is when I want to give up.  Moments like this is when God picks me up and carries me through.

Dog & Boy

Good news.  We found Rayzak a farm to live on.  He will have plenty of space to roam and the owners who are my neighbors parents, are active and do alot of hiking, biking, etc.  I'm happy I was able to find him this home so he will get the attention and exercise he needs.  I cried after he left.  My husband isn't a animal person and he just doesn't understand.  We have had to give up 5 cats because Bella is allergic to them, 1 cat ran away, we had to return a black lab we adopted because he would dig holes, get of the fence and run onto a highway behind our house (this was in Alabama).  I think it's more I feel like a failure to these animals and my husband just doesn't understand that.

Matthew spent the night at a friends house for the kids birthday party.  I have to say yesterday was one of the most peaceful day/nights I have had since leaving in Washington.  There was no fighting, no screaming and no hearing Matthew complain about everything under the sun.  But it all comes to an end in 2 hours when Matthew returns home.  I better enjoy it while it last.  I'll just stay busy doing yard work.

RESEARCH PAPER!

After going back and reviewing my paper, it was so off.  A few things did not go in order and I dwifted to talking about things seperately from my topic.  So now I'm having to go back and adjust everything I have already done.  Take out, put things in, add more references..... /sigh 

I got another research paper next week for my AP I class and I haven't even started that one.  Ugh.

Overflowing Stress

Stress really isn't good for someone with stomach ulcers, but there is alot of that these days in my life.  I have so much going on and so much to do that I don't know which way to turn my head.  I got to find a new home for our German Shepherd.  That won't be easy as needs alot of training but is very willing to learn as he knows a few things like sitting and playing fetch.  He is also good with young children.  He actually walks in circles around my 1 year old if someone is near her and if she adventures into our yard, he follows her every move.  We have just failed to get him his shots and he needs to be fixed.  And the destruction he has made that I have mentioned, is only my fault because he does that out of a lack of exercise and being stimulated.

We are suppose to be moving back to Alabama end of this month but looks like that won't happen until mid July.  My husband has put in many applications for a job down south but nothing yet.  Not to mention the money we have to save with is about $5,000 for a cross country move.

Then there is Matthew and his mental problems.  Before it was just bitching about anything.  Now that the social worker has him on a point system for him to earn points to do the things he wants, he now argues over the points.  If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't be going to therapy.  There comes a point in time when you have to say enough is enough and that is exactly what I did with my husband.  Go to therapy with Matthew or I walk with our 3 children.  I don't like the example Matthew is leaving behind for my other children in which I have to combat with.  Knowing my husband, I knew he would go because he loves me way too much to ignore my demands.

Somewhere between all that mess is my school work.  I've been very disappointed in myself these last few weeks because I have been slacking in my school work.  Especially in my AP I class.  I'm still making an A so I guess that is still good.  The husband started school and I'm having to help him with his algebra.  I'm having to get all my paperwork sent to Rasmussen.  I lost my taxes so now I'm dealing with the IRS to get a copy.

I keep telling myself that God will not give me more than I can handle but when will I get my break???  My life has been nothing but a big stressor since 2005.  I need a break.  Oh did I mention I need knew hearing aids because mine are 5 years old.  Since my husband is retired Navy, the military does not pay for them.  Each one of my hearing aids was $2,500 bucks.  My audiologist said the cheapest way was to find a hearing place that works with siemens hearing aids to see if they can "twink" them.  /sigh

My Little Girl's 3rd Birthday

Three years ago today at 10:36pm I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 5lb 15oz and 18 inches long.  She was a spitting image of her father and too this day she still is.  Out of all my children she is a free soul.  She takes in everything around her and not letting anything slip by.  However, she has her mother's temper and will show her bad side if she needs too.  Seeing the world through her eyes, there is nothing but love for everything. (except spiders...they freak her out)  She has been an absolute joy in my life and I'm very blessed that God has given her to me to raise.  I don't know where my life would be without her.

Today for her birthday, we celebrated with her favorite, McDonalds, which, she didn't eat being all excited.  She got new clothes, coloring books, ABC books, and the one thing she asked for....A Bike.  Her face lite up like the fourth of July when she saw it.  That's something I will never forget.

It has been a wonderful day.  I'm so happy I was able to get her what she asked for.  Seeing her smile is priceless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PfST5Wa-uE

Pics to come.

46th Birthday

Today, is my daddy's 46th birthday!  It sucks being so far away.  I'm sure all he wished for was to have his grandbabies home.  We will be back home soon!  Alabama here we come!

Proud Parent

I am now a proud parent of a preschool graduate!!  I am so proud of my son!!  I am so blessed that I was blessed with such a wonderful boy and thank God everyday that he let Aiden be with me.  It has been amazing watching my son transform into this young boy.  From writing his name, to drawing a picture of his family to learning Spanish. 

I provided baby pictures of my son a few weeks ago.  I didn't know what they were going to be doing with them but today I found out.  All the kids baby pictures were posted on the wall with "Look how much we have grown".  I had to fight back the tears.  He truly has come so very far and had to overcome more obstacles than any of those kids.

After the kids singing the parents a few songs in Spanish, they went around to each kid and the kid got to tell us what they wanted to be when they grow up.  A few wanted to be princess', a couple boys wanted to be batman & spiderman, but when Aiden was asked what he wanted to be he said, "I'm going to be a policeman so I can chase after the bad guys in really fast cars and put them in jail."  I hope I'm blessed to be here long enough to see if that is where he ends up.  I am so proud of my son and I love him dearly.  I hope all his dreams come true!

Parrot

I may be getting a parrot.  There is a guy at Tony's work that is finding his a new home because he is movin to PA for a new job and to be with his girlfriend.  Tony suppose to be finding out how much he wants for it.  That is one thing I have never owned in my life, a bird.  I can just vision it now..we get the parrot and it bust out with some Dora the Explorer song, "I'm the map. I'm the map.  His the map.  I'M THE MAP!!"

Cry or Angry

For starters, Arabella had her GI appt.  It has been ruled that she is lactose intolerate.  I was actually praised for the decisions I had been making for my daughter regarding her health.  I guess with her being my third, I do have alittle experience under my belt.

(Matthew had emergency appt with the looney doctor at 9am at the Naval Hospital as well)

In the next breath, my husband said, "We need to talk."  He never says that unless it is serious.  It couldn't wait so I asked.  Apparently, Matthew told the doctor that his father beat him and left bruises.  There is not a single bruise on that boy and if there is he did it himself especially after his 'clawing himself episode' because his daddy told him he couldn't go to his friends.  They are filing a report about it and the doctor said that nothing would prolly come of it because they are getting therapy.  The thing is when we lived in Alabama my son snuck out of the house while I was doing dishes.  My daughter was 6 months old at the time and I was 13 weeks pregnant with Bella.  It ended with me calling 9-1-1 and a very sweet man, who I say was his Aiden's guardian angel, picked him up on the side of the road and took him to the police station.  Its emotional even thinking about it again.  But CPS was called.  Interviews were done and inspection of our home was done.  It was found to be accidental and we had complied with adding new locks to our doors. We are on the books with CPS for 5 years.  I have nothing to hide but I don't want them coming to my home because of Matthew and his lies.  So I let Tony know, while standing in front of Matthew, that he could go backup stairs and tell that looney doctor if this crap is going to CPS, I will drain the bank account and me and my babies will leave without anyone know where I'm going.

I am seek of his drama affecting me and my kids.  If the truth was to be known, I want Matthew to leave my home.  I don't want him here anymore.  I know my mother tells me that when I married my husband, I accepted his son; I did not sign up to be put through hell.  Do I cry or just be angry?  The bad thing with me though, it takes me a LONG time to forgive and NEVER do I forget.  Things will never be the same.

Memorial Day Song & Video

MIA

As you've noticed, I have not posted in a few days.  I have had alot of problems here at home.  Currently, my husband is on his way with my step-son to the physco ward of the hospital.  Matthew thinks banging his head against the wall and clawing himself until he draws blood is the right thing to do.  My husband and I think he is suicidal.  A harm to himself and the people he lives with.

This has been going on for years.  Ever since his mother walked out of his life to be with a convicted felon, all his anger has been taken out on us.  He beat the hell out of my, then 2 year old, son in the back so bad he had brusies all over him all because he keep playing with toys when Matthew wanted to put them up.  Taking caution of my children, I gave my husband a decision to make.  Either we were leaving or he could find his son another place to leave.  I was not going to leave in fear of him and I was not about to take the chance of my children being hurt again.  That's when he came to live with my husband's sister here in Washington.

Last night he thought calling me a "SOB" and a fat ass was respectful.  I am not under any circumstances will I continue to live in this crap with him.  My children does not need to be around that to learn from his example because of like Matthew, he knows I will put my kids in their place.  Hell, my 1 year old has more manners than him.  She says, Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am, Please, Thank you and Your Welcome.  If she knows her manners I know he sure in the hell does.

The downfall to all of this, is I haven't been able to do any of my homework except for a decision question for my AP I class.  With the continuing screaming, yelling, and constant fighting with him, I cannot do nothing.  With the grace of God, I will get everything finished.  Otherwise, it will be late.  Did I mention we are moving the end of June?!  Ugggggg.

Missing My Mom

My mom got her phone disconnected a month ago because she couldn't afford to pay the bill.  For the past week, I have been trying to get in touch with her by calling my dad's cell phone.  For some reason the call wouldn't go through.  So I sent out a search party (my other family members) to make sure she was o.k.  I tried the cell phone again and ohmigod, she answered the phone!  I had never been so relieved in all my life.

That is what I miss about home (Hazel Green, Alabama), my mom.  I have been taking care of her since I was 12 years old.  In 1991 my mother was diagnosed with Histoplasmosis.  It is a disease that normally effects the lungs but there is a small percentage where the disease effects the eyes.  The disease is caused by chicken/bird poop.  Believe it or not, bird poop lets out agents into the air and if it's inhaled, then it sets in.  My mother was raised on a farm.

Since 1991, my mother has had 5 laser surgeries to delay the disease as long as possible.  I have been driving a car since I was 12 years old.  I was writing checks and paying bills at 12 years old.  Anything regarding my mother, I was her care taker.  When I turned 15 I got my first job.  I'd wake at 6am, go to school and get out at 3:15pm.  I was at work by 4pm and worked until close, midnight.  Then it would just repeat.  I did that until the day I moved out.  Even then my life adjusted to her; taking her to doctors appointments, family gatherings, etc.

So, being all the way in Washington State and her in Alabama with no phone, you can see why I would be alittle worried.  We've always poked fun at ourselves, being two peas in a pod.  We were the "The Deaf leading The Blind."  So I feel alittle lost without my sidekick.  Sounds like a movie to me!

Enough is Enough

Last year, my son asked for a dog for his birthday.  I knew it would be up to me to take care of him because after all he was just turning 4 and at that age it didn't matter what kind of dog.  I had always, always wanted a Pomeranian.  My husband said no to small dogs because he thinks they are all ankle biters and yappy dogs; however, big dogs can be that way too.  The husband decided on a German Shepherd.

He will be 1 year old August 4th.  He has chewed up a $3,000 sprinkler system.  Water hoses have been gnawed in half.  Holes have been dug.  Plants have died.  He has drove my other dog crazy.  He has chewed a cable cord in half, that resulted in my son not being able to have cable in his room.  Finally, he has chewed the pipes on the outside that controlled the sprinkler system; my downstairs is flooded.  The garage is flooded too.  We had to call a plumber and that's going to cost $400 just to have him shut off the valve, which happens to be in the wall of the garage.  They don't fix the wall either.  Because the garage flooded, it go my Alienware soaked.  If you know anything about computers you know that Alienware's are not cheap.  We paid $4,000+.

We've called our insurance company to claim all this on our renter's insurance.  We going to have to have someone come out and clean up the water from the carpet.  Then the wood flooring in the hallway and bathroom down stairs will have to be replaced because of mildew.  This is a disaster.  Husband is looking for another home for Rayzak.  Obviously we cannot meet his needs.

We had been saving our money to move back south and he has drained 3/4's of that.  =(

My Remedy Worked!

Arabella for the past 4 days or so has been having severe constipation.  When I say severe, I mean the bloody screams, the holding it in just to keep it in so it won't hurt and yesterday involved me prying her legs apart to physically help her get it out.  She had blood all over her.  I can honestly say I said a pray in that moment and prayed for God not to let her have digestive problems like myself.

Dr. appt. today at 2:25pm but I think my remedy has worked!  At this point I am convinced that my daughter is lactose intolerant.  She has only been on cow's milk for 4 months and we had nothing but problems.  Rash to diaherra that is eating the skin off her butt to now constipation. 

Last 48 hours I have given her Soy Milk and Miralax.  She is use to soy milk because that is all she has drank since birth plus it's flavored with Vanilla AND it's organic!  This morning her BM was near normal.  Not diaherra but didn't kill her either.  Thank you Jesus for the motherly wisdom!!!

Rough Day

Today was rough.  I had to stop about 3 miles up the road this morning when I was taking Aiden to school because my stomach was so sour, I thought I was about to barf all over myself.  I felt wooze and knew I had to pull over because I had the most precious cargo in the van.

I stop at Burger King and got the kids harsh rounds and orange juice.  I thought if I tried to eat something I would feel better but that didn't help.  Thirty minutes later, I barfed in the BK bag.  All I could hear was Aiden askin' me what was wrong.  I finally stopped and what a relief I felt!  My head stopped hurting and my stomach wasn't hurting nearly as bad.  So, ten minutes later I finally leave.

Prior to leaving this morning, I had grabbed all my medicine from the cabinet.  Aiden was standing there and asked if I had to take all those.  Well, he assumed I "chewed" them; I answered him with a yes.  I told him that I had to take the medicine or else mommy gets real sick and I'll have to go to the hospital.

As I'm getting back on the freeway, Aiden asks me, "Mommy, you said you took your medicine not to get sick and you got sick but you chewed your medicine.  They not work?"  I tried explaining to him mommy's stomach just didn't feel well.  Then he went on to tell me that he was going to tell his teacher that his mommy got sick and cried.

It kinda stinks because I don't them seeing me weak.  I don't know, I've always been that way.  Even after Aiden was born, if you cried around my baby you had to leave the NICU unit until you could gather yourself.  On the hand, it was good because it showed my children that mommy isn't super woman.

The bright side....despite throwing my guts up, my children know how to put a smile on my face.

In Pain

Whelp, got that tooth pulled.  12 shots in the mouth with 2 shots of some kind of med that made my heart due 200mph.  I honestly thought my heart was going to explode.  Took about 4 hours to stop bleeding.  Well, still bleeding just not alot.  Now I got this hole in my mouth and its hurtin'.  Thankfully, he gave me pain meds and thankful it's over!

Nervously Awaiting

I got to go to the oral surgeon in 3 hours. (...and counting...)  Stress not being good for Crohn's..you can imagine how my stomach is doing right now.  I got to get a tooth, yes 1 tooth, pulled because it has a crack in it and it caused an infection on my jawbone.  What's even worse is my doctor told me eventually all my teeth with fall out.  I'm trying to look at the bright side of things but sometimes that is very hard.  Especially when your only 27 years old and falling apart.  Maybe, just maybe, we can find some way of saving the teeth I have left.  At least I have hope, right?

Road Trip

I woke up yesterday and decided I was going to the beach.  So, that I did.  We drove around the entire pennsisula yesterday.  By the end of the trip, I was happy to finally see my house!

Bella feeling sand for 1st time

Matthew and Arabella

I was there!

Just Beauitful

My handsome husband, Tony

One of the Lakes surrounded by the Olympic Mtn. Range

I took this while driving :/ My A-man

Trinity after we got back in the car from the beach.  Her hair proves it lol.

Ducklings

The family went out to adventure.  We found a place by a dock on the Puget Sound.  First, I see this bird that was limping.  Look like he had a broke leg.  Then we pulled around to this other area and out from no where, a mother goose followed by 5 ducklings.  It was the cutest thing ever!  Then there was the 2 "security" ducks in the back.  The mother took the ducklings out to the water.  They were doing great until one drifted off and the mother went and got him.  She then stand at the back of the pack to watch her babies and the "security" geese got in front.  It reminded me of the ugly duckling story.  Nature is so beautiful and to see that mother guide her babies; it was so precious!

Sinus Treatment

I have this sinus kit that you can buy at the drug store, that helps clean or clear the sinus passage.  The kit comes with a bottle and some salt packages to put in the bottle.

So, last night before bed, I thought I would clean it again, however, it was without the solution salt.  My face started burning and it hurt really bad.  My left eyeball felt like it was floating on water with a bunch of pressure and sure I was drowning myself!

My helpful warning to you guys....Your body can't take pure water because our body is made up of salt water.  DO NOT SHOOT PURE H2O IN YOUR NOSE!!!  lol.

Random Thoughts

I'm so sick.  But somehow I managed to mow my yard today before the rain moved in.  My husband told me that my depression meds have finally kicked in to have the energy and being sick.  So, guess that is a good thing.

Arabella is so constipated.  The bloody murder screams, on the tippy toes, trying to hold it in to avoid the pain is killing me.  These are the moments as a mother when you wish you could take their pain and deal with instead of her.  I wish I had something to give her.

Had a conference with Aiden's preschool teacher.  He is doing very well except for the name calling.  He likes to tell people they farted and calling them poopy head and thanks to my 13 year old step son, has taught him to say SOB..for short.  His teacher seems to think that even though he has another year in preschool, he could test in to Kindergarden.  I guess there is a test they give them if their birthday falls within the 30 day window from when the deadline is which is the 2nd of September.  It also cost $100.  I may just wait though and let him start next year because each year after that a child will start school.

I have to go to the Oral Surgeon on monday to have a tooth pulled. In case your wondering why a normal dentist can't do it, well, it all comes back to Crohn's disease.  When your immune system decides not to work there are alot of important things that stop working too.  I don't produce water in my eyes or saliva in my mouth.  Maintaining good teeth is not just brushing and flossing.  Saliva is the key component in good teeth health.  Due to the meds I'm on, I would need more pain medication than the normal dentist can give me, so that's why she referred me to him.  I'm guessing that will be lots of fun...

Did I mention I think there is a shortage in circuit breaker?  Hope the landlord gets on that ASAP because that is a fire hazard.

Well that's enough of my ramblings.

Political Bashing

I love a good political debate, however, I hate morons that feel the need to bash either the President of the United States, the Senate or the House.  If the opposite side took that energy of hatred and reached out to their state representatives to voice their opinion- Their words would be heard in a constructive manner.

September 11, 2001 was one of the worse days this country has ever faced.  I believe this is the day our hour-glass got turned upside down; I have included a video tribute from youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xP_ldXXQe0

Before the dust settled, our then President George W. Bush, our country had declared war on Osama Bin Laden; which lead the US into the mountain sides of Afghanistan.  Before we knew it, we had also invaded Iraq.  What was the cause for invading Iraq?  The man and his terrorists that had attacked our country were not in Iraq.  In my opinion I believe that President George W. Bush used this time of disaster to invade Iraq.  Looking back on prior statements that President Bush said; as written by Jake Tapper in his 2003 article, President Bush was asked about Iraq and Bush said, "I'd make darn sure that [Saddam Hussein] lived up to the agreements that he signed back in the early '90s," President Bush continued with: "And if I found -- in any way, shape or form -- that he was developing weapons of mass destruction, I'd take 'em out."

Following that statement the moderator of that presidental debate, Brit Hume, seeked to find clarification of on the words, "Take him out?"  Bush explained, ""take them out," as in, take out the "weapons of mass destruction," he said reported by Tapper.  For someone that meant to say "them", when we invaded Iraq he quickly switched back to, "take him out" and that he did.  Saddam was captured by the US forces where he was hiding in an underground bunker.  Saddam was hung on December 30, 2006.  I cannot help but wonder if father and son gave each other high-fives for taking out the one man they both hated.

Jake Tapper's 2003 Article Bush vs. Bush

Ellen Knickmeyer- Hussein Sentenced to Death by Hanging

With that said, for all the Obama haters out there, take the time like I have to look up things on both sides.  Don't let your views be narrowed by stupidity.  For everything that was happening when President Obama was sworn into office, was at the hands of President Bush and his administration- That is fact.  You cannot not expect one man and his administration to correct, fix, do away with, or just remove problems that are a mile high over night or within 6 months or a year. 
I dedicate this article to all the men and women before us and the men and women fighting for our freedoms right now; my husband being one of them as he served in the Gulf War and Iraq.  For the lives that have been sacrificed and lives being put on the line today- you have given me this freedom to express my opinions.  Next time you see a protestor on the street, tell them to thank the soldiers as they have given them the freedom to stand on that street corner and bitch.

Thank You, Professor

Since April I have seriously been going through hell with Kaplan.  Supposedly I signed a Promissory Note where I was granted $8+K with the agreement that I would pay Kaplan $1,300 a MONTH.  I have 4 kids living pay check to pay check, that is higher than what I'm renting for, and my phone is being shut off come Monday because we can't afford to pay it.  Why in God's name would I ever agree to $1,300 a month???!!!?  NEVER!  I never signed that Note either.  They sent it in my email and I never responded to it.  Kaplan has literally screwed me over.

So, I get a call today from my Academic Advisor. (I sent her emails regarding transcript over a week ago and she never responded to me just like my financial officer refuses to contact me)  She then tells me the reason she is calling is because one of my professors has brought it to her attention that I was having difficult with the financial department.  I started telling her everything I have told her in the past and the phone calls have continued since April 18th.  I told her that, one thing Kaplan doesn't know about me is I'm a maniac depressant.  They are literally driving me insane with all this crap.  Anytime I ask questions, they get rude with me and tell me if I had paid my bill, I wouldn't be getting the phone calls.  She then tells me I need to fill out my FAFSA 10-11 form.  I have, but Kaplan wasn't included in that.  Then she says, "If we get this all taken care of, would you consider staying at Kaplan?"  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  No!  Not just no, but HELL NO!

By the professor contacting her, she is now forwarding the situation on to your boss to see about the steps she needs to take to have this looked into.  Thank you, Professor for contacting them.  Maybe now I can get answers instead of being harassed.

I have had some of the most amazing professors here at Kaplan and I let my advisor know that.  But due to all this financial stuff, they have made all my good experiences clouded by all the bad.  Would I recommend others to join Kaplan, absolutely not.

Last Term at Kaplan

Some of you may know that I have been having alot of problems with the financial department at Kaplan.  Today pushing me over the limit when they called.  When I started asking questions, like I always do, the girl started to get smart with me.  Then I proceeded to blurt out very dirty words, loudly.  I will just be nice enough in my blog not to repeat them since this blog entry is for my English class.

Soon as I got off the phone with her, I changed my email and called my telephone company to change my phone number and make it private number.

So, the past few days I have been searching other colleges to attend.  In process of doing so I found where there are several complaints with the Federal Trade Commission and complaints with different states Attorney General's office on the same exact reason I'm having issues with them.  Alot of my friends that I have meet through Kaplan, posted on Facebook, this too, will be their last term for similar reasons.

I found a private college by the name of Rasmussen College.  They just celebrated their 110th anniversary; doing something right to be around that long.  It does cost more to attend their school but so far they seem to be 500 times better than Kaplan.  It is $420 a credit hour.  You have to take their STEP test to even be accepted to the school; writing, math and reading.  (I aced all of them so I don't have to take any refresher courses thank God!)  Kaplan on the other had just wants you in the school to get your loan money and be buried in debt up to your eyeballs by the time you graduate their school.  The next best thing about Rasmussen College is they will pay for my Exam test to become a RHIT.  That in it self shows you they are accredited.  So just think of all those people that graduated from Kaplan with their HIT degree.  Since Kaplan isn't accredited by AHIMA, you WILL NOT be able to be setted for that exam when you graduate.  (Kaplan didn't tell me this when I decided to join.  I found out they weren't accredited and they are just putting in their application just now, through one of my HIM professors in my 2nd term.)  They also have job placement when you graduate, which they have a 96% employment rate among their students.

I have made it very clear that I want constant contact between the financial department and myself.  If something changes on the account they are too notify me ASAP. 

Now the hard part - Transfer of credits.  I have a very, very good suspension Kaplan will hold my credits until I grow a money tree in my backyard.  Rasmussen will be the ones requesting them as they are the ones that pay for the transcripts.  That will be interesting to say the less.  If I can get everything set up now, I'll be good to go on July 6th which is when their next quarter starts.

Crohn's project

Life as a Online Student

I started attending Kaplan University on August 5, 2009.  I was thrilled and excited to finally be back in school.  I knew things would be difficult because I didn't have kids and wasn't married when I first attended college right after high school.  However, I've managed to survive three terms and working on my fourth.  Sadly, I think this may be my last term here at Kaplan.

During my first term, I had a wonderful professor by the name of Professor Eastwood.  She was such a kind person and opened your eyes to things that you may have closed your eyes too because you didn't want to face them.  This hit home too me because even though it has been, almost, five years since my son had been born, I still blamed myself for his early birth.  It was my fault for my screwed up uterus or maybe I shouldn't have drank so much caffeine or just maybe I walked too much.  Silly things you might think, but just last year I took myself to the doctor and I finally decided to out myself.  I really didn't have to say too much as the Lieutenant saw right through me.  I was diagnosed with postpartum depression.  After the birth of Aiden, birth of my daughter, then getting pregnant with my 3rd child six short months after just giving birth, the move to Alabama by myself and now the move to Washington; it all took its toll on me.  I don't think I would of broke down like I did and get help if it weren't for Professor Eastwood's class.  She is a wonderful instructor and has sweet presence that walks into your life.  For her, I will forever be grateful.

Since the beginning I have always had problems with the financial aid department here at Kaplan.  My first term they changed my financial officer because he messed my account up and I ended up with a credit on my account.  My new financial officer refuses to contact me.  I have contacted him day after day with no response.  They have called my home every single day since April 18, 2010 at which I have been keeping a log; they are breaking the Federal Debt Collection Laws.  Unlike them I can do my math.  My loans and Pell Grant hasn't been sent to the school so, therefore, they are harassing me about it.  The last bill statement they sent me showed that my bill was due on April 30, 2010.  I paid them $100 on April 21, 2010.  Is that considered late to them?  Why are they still harassing me even on weekends and before 9am?  For this, it has turned me away from this school.  Sure I shouldn't say the whole school is bad because of one bad department but I'm not the only one that feels this way.  There are loads of complaints against Kaplan through several states Attorney General's office all having to do with Kaplan's financial department.

One thing I do know for certain, the problems here at Kaplan will not stop me from getting my degree and finally doing something I love.  I will succeed with or without them.

Aiden's Journey to Earth

His Story

Aiden Tomas O'Callahan Johnson was born on September 28, 2005 @ 11:43pm weighing 3lbs 5oz and 16 inches long.  He was delivered in a cold operating room and was born blue.  The next fifty days was a roller coaster and an eye opener to life.

A few things you should know about me first.  I have what they call a bicornuate uterus.  It almost looks like a heart but the middle of it comes all the way down and almost touching my cervix, making it look like I have 2 uterus.  So from the get go, my child is robbed of a full and perfect uterus to grow in.  I had 2 miscarriages leading up to Aiden's birth which were very difficult for me.

My doctor's wanted to follow me closely because of the uterus.  So I had internal ultrasounds every other week.  At 19 weeks, we found out we were having a son.  I was so happy because I've always wanted a son.  Although, my mother wasn't too happy as she wanted me to have a girl.  During week 26's ultrasound, when the doctor pulled that god forsaken thing from me, I started to bleed.  I was rushed up to the Labor and Delivery floor.  I didn't pass go and I sure in the hell didn't collect my 200 dollars!  I was petrified.  I was alone.  All my family was in Alabama, my husband's family lives in Washington/Idaho area and here I was stuck in Connecticut, 22 years old, all alone and my husband is at work.

Shortly after getting into my room, I went to use the bathroom.  (Warning:  If you got a weak stomach this probably is not for you)  I passed a huge clot.  I pulled the emergency cord and I was screaming.  Crying in fear.  My son cannot come right now.  What if something happens to him?  What if...no I did not want to think that.  Nurses and doctors came flooding into my room.  I was put into my bed immediately, monitors went here and there.  My cervix was checked.  They shoved an IV into my veins.  I felt like everything was falling apart around me and still I'm all alone.  After the doctor checked my cervix, I peeked over at my door, which was still wide open during all this, and there stood my husband.  I don't know who was scared more, him or me.  He was just frozen.  I remember the doctor telling him it was O.K., he could go set by his wife.  The doctor informed us we would be in the hospital awhile.

Later that afternoon, my doctor comes back to give us the test results from the swab test.  This test checks for hormones that are secreted right before birth occurs.  It came back positive.  My son would be here within 2 weeks.  He let us know it was not a 100% accurate test but more often than not, it is usually right.  The next 48 hours I was injected with steroids that speeds up the development of my baby's lungs.  It will give him a better chance of survival after he is born.  After day 4 and with the bleeding gone, I was sent home on full bed rest until my baby was born.

September 28th @ 3:30am, I awoke with horrible pains in my back.  I got up and went to the bathroom.  Nothing unusual, so I went and took some Tylenol and tried to lay back down.  I couldn't.  I sat up on the side of my bed and was rocking back and forth.  Tony wakes and asks me whats wrong.  I tell him I think I need to go to the hospital.  He springs from the bed, immediately calling the duty officer letting him know where he would be.

I get to the hospital and they put the monitors on me.  The place was so quite I could hear the entire conversation down the hall where these two women were talking.  I could not stay in the bed no more than 5 minutes at a time.  I constantly felt like I had to pee and the back pains were killing me.  The nurse did everything from rubbing my shoulders, to giving me these hot packet things to put on my back.  She has called the doctor several times and he just keeps telling her, he would be in on his rounds at 7AM!  That pissed me off.  Dr. Dilulo finally shows up to check me.  I was 2 to 3cm dilated and 100% effaced!!!!!!!!  If I wasn't pregnant and totally out of my mind I could have just bitched slapped him for making me wait like that.  So a repeat of what happened two weeks prior, happened.  I was rushed to my room, IV put in, I had 2 doctors, about eight nurses, it was total chaos.  I remember looking up and seeing 6 IV bags hanging on that pole.  We were in the 'stop labor' phase.  In the mist of it all, I remember telling my husband I was sorry on more than one occasion.  In so many ways, I felt like I had let him down and my son because of my problems.  He reassured me he still loved me, it was not my fault and Aiden would be just fine.

At 9pm I told Tony to see if my catheter bag was full.  It wasn't.  I said, "I think I just pee'd myself."  He lifts the blanket and his eyes got big as half dollar coins!  I knew, KNEW something was terribly wrong.  He runs out of the room and heads for the nurses' station.  Next thing I know here comes a flood of nurses, along with the charge nurse.  I was bleeding and I was bleeding bad.  They checked me and I was still 2-3cm.  I heard somewhere in the middle of that conversation that they had called Dr. Auerbach and he was on his way.  I could feel the contractions.  They were coming frequently.  Sarah, who was my nurse was so sweet too me.  She would talk about things to distract me from what was going on.

The doctor arrives and again I'm checked.  At this point I am 6-7cm and 100%.  He did an ultrasound to make sure the baby was head down.  They gave my husband scrubs to put on and rushed me to the Operating Room.  Sarah was at my side the whole time.  I was moved to that cold, cold metal table.  It felt like I had just walked into an ice box.  Finally, my husband arrives in his blues, (laughable) and was on my right side.  Sarah was on my left.  The doctor and surgeon tech was at 'that' end.  We were just "hanging" out.  The contractions were getting unbearable.  I looked over at Sarah and pleaded for pain medication.  I couldn't have anything due to all the medication I was on and the fact of how far a long I was.  I think at one point I looked over at my husband and told him I better get a big fat steak after this.  The tech heard me and said, "And what are we having with that steak?"  I said, "A baked potato with sour cream, bacon bites, and tons of cheese!"  Then a contraction.

It's time.  I'm pushing, pushing, pushing.  Dr.  Auerbach looked up at me, "Tisha, you have to push as hard as you can.  Your baby's heart rate is dropping very low and we have to get this baby out.  You can help me or I can do it the hard way."  I was pushing so hard I almost passed out from the lack of air.  But in the end he cut me open, yes down there, to give my son "lots" of room.  He was born.  The first thing I asked, "Is he breathing?"  The doctor held him up and he was blue.  He looked so lifeless.  He was handed over to the NICU team that was awaiting his arrival.

Sarah told me everything would be O.K. and she would check on me tomorrow.  I thanked her for staying with me.  It was passed her shift, so staying meant alot to me.  We went back to my room to get cleaned up.  All I keep asking, "When can I see my son?"  "The doctor will be in to talk to you as soon as they get him all comfortable.", said the nurse.

I called my mother to give her the great news.  She was once again a grandmother to a beautiful baby boy.  She was just crying and crying.  I know her heart was aching because she couldn't be with me.  In that moment I knew exactly how my mother felt.  Here I was in the same hospital with my son and I couldn't be with him.  We cried, said our goodbyes and I promised my mom that I would be O.K.

At 1:27am (which by the way is the exact time I was born), I got wheeled down to the NICU to see my son.  There he was laying in that tiny bed.  He had tubes all around him.  I remember counting his fingers and his toes.  I touched his little body all over.  I stood next to him and whispered to him that mommy was here and will always be here.  I never cried.  It was like my tears dried up before I went into the NICU.  I think I feared if I cried, then my son would feel his mother's sadness and would make him sad.  When all I wanted was for him to focus on growing and getting better.

For the next 50 days I went to see my son every single day.  All my energy was focused on him.  I remember when he was 2 weeks old, I heard him cry for the very first time.  I just started bawling.  I thought they were hurting him.  The beginning was rough.  He had a tube put into his side to drain fluid, he had a hemorrhage in his left eye, hernia in his belly button and he had to have 3 blood transfusions.  Even through all that I knew my son would be o.k.  I stayed strong for him and for he was my strength to get through every single day. 

Aiden is my miracle and I thank the heavens above that he spared my son so he could be with me.  I have to believe Aiden was put on this earth for a reason and he was born early for a reason.  He is my pride and joy and I cannot believe he will be 5 years old this year.

His Nana visiting him for the 1st time

Hand in Hand

Daddy holding his son for the 1st time

Saying Good-Bye to my hospital family

I would also like to take a moment to warn all the girls in this world.... Aiden is my baby.  I will never "give him away" like I will my daughters'.  You hurt my son, I will hurt you.  If he decides to marry you, you better make sure you buy me a ring because you will be marrying me too!  He is my baby and will always be my baby.  So, women...Just remember this warning.