Memorial Day Song & Video

MIA

As you've noticed, I have not posted in a few days.  I have had alot of problems here at home.  Currently, my husband is on his way with my step-son to the physco ward of the hospital.  Matthew thinks banging his head against the wall and clawing himself until he draws blood is the right thing to do.  My husband and I think he is suicidal.  A harm to himself and the people he lives with.

This has been going on for years.  Ever since his mother walked out of his life to be with a convicted felon, all his anger has been taken out on us.  He beat the hell out of my, then 2 year old, son in the back so bad he had brusies all over him all because he keep playing with toys when Matthew wanted to put them up.  Taking caution of my children, I gave my husband a decision to make.  Either we were leaving or he could find his son another place to leave.  I was not going to leave in fear of him and I was not about to take the chance of my children being hurt again.  That's when he came to live with my husband's sister here in Washington.

Last night he thought calling me a "SOB" and a fat ass was respectful.  I am not under any circumstances will I continue to live in this crap with him.  My children does not need to be around that to learn from his example because of like Matthew, he knows I will put my kids in their place.  Hell, my 1 year old has more manners than him.  She says, Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am, Please, Thank you and Your Welcome.  If she knows her manners I know he sure in the hell does.

The downfall to all of this, is I haven't been able to do any of my homework except for a decision question for my AP I class.  With the continuing screaming, yelling, and constant fighting with him, I cannot do nothing.  With the grace of God, I will get everything finished.  Otherwise, it will be late.  Did I mention we are moving the end of June?!  Ugggggg.

Missing My Mom

My mom got her phone disconnected a month ago because she couldn't afford to pay the bill.  For the past week, I have been trying to get in touch with her by calling my dad's cell phone.  For some reason the call wouldn't go through.  So I sent out a search party (my other family members) to make sure she was o.k.  I tried the cell phone again and ohmigod, she answered the phone!  I had never been so relieved in all my life.

That is what I miss about home (Hazel Green, Alabama), my mom.  I have been taking care of her since I was 12 years old.  In 1991 my mother was diagnosed with Histoplasmosis.  It is a disease that normally effects the lungs but there is a small percentage where the disease effects the eyes.  The disease is caused by chicken/bird poop.  Believe it or not, bird poop lets out agents into the air and if it's inhaled, then it sets in.  My mother was raised on a farm.

Since 1991, my mother has had 5 laser surgeries to delay the disease as long as possible.  I have been driving a car since I was 12 years old.  I was writing checks and paying bills at 12 years old.  Anything regarding my mother, I was her care taker.  When I turned 15 I got my first job.  I'd wake at 6am, go to school and get out at 3:15pm.  I was at work by 4pm and worked until close, midnight.  Then it would just repeat.  I did that until the day I moved out.  Even then my life adjusted to her; taking her to doctors appointments, family gatherings, etc.

So, being all the way in Washington State and her in Alabama with no phone, you can see why I would be alittle worried.  We've always poked fun at ourselves, being two peas in a pod.  We were the "The Deaf leading The Blind."  So I feel alittle lost without my sidekick.  Sounds like a movie to me!

Enough is Enough

Last year, my son asked for a dog for his birthday.  I knew it would be up to me to take care of him because after all he was just turning 4 and at that age it didn't matter what kind of dog.  I had always, always wanted a Pomeranian.  My husband said no to small dogs because he thinks they are all ankle biters and yappy dogs; however, big dogs can be that way too.  The husband decided on a German Shepherd.

He will be 1 year old August 4th.  He has chewed up a $3,000 sprinkler system.  Water hoses have been gnawed in half.  Holes have been dug.  Plants have died.  He has drove my other dog crazy.  He has chewed a cable cord in half, that resulted in my son not being able to have cable in his room.  Finally, he has chewed the pipes on the outside that controlled the sprinkler system; my downstairs is flooded.  The garage is flooded too.  We had to call a plumber and that's going to cost $400 just to have him shut off the valve, which happens to be in the wall of the garage.  They don't fix the wall either.  Because the garage flooded, it go my Alienware soaked.  If you know anything about computers you know that Alienware's are not cheap.  We paid $4,000+.

We've called our insurance company to claim all this on our renter's insurance.  We going to have to have someone come out and clean up the water from the carpet.  Then the wood flooring in the hallway and bathroom down stairs will have to be replaced because of mildew.  This is a disaster.  Husband is looking for another home for Rayzak.  Obviously we cannot meet his needs.

We had been saving our money to move back south and he has drained 3/4's of that.  =(

My Remedy Worked!

Arabella for the past 4 days or so has been having severe constipation.  When I say severe, I mean the bloody screams, the holding it in just to keep it in so it won't hurt and yesterday involved me prying her legs apart to physically help her get it out.  She had blood all over her.  I can honestly say I said a pray in that moment and prayed for God not to let her have digestive problems like myself.

Dr. appt. today at 2:25pm but I think my remedy has worked!  At this point I am convinced that my daughter is lactose intolerant.  She has only been on cow's milk for 4 months and we had nothing but problems.  Rash to diaherra that is eating the skin off her butt to now constipation. 

Last 48 hours I have given her Soy Milk and Miralax.  She is use to soy milk because that is all she has drank since birth plus it's flavored with Vanilla AND it's organic!  This morning her BM was near normal.  Not diaherra but didn't kill her either.  Thank you Jesus for the motherly wisdom!!!

Rough Day

Today was rough.  I had to stop about 3 miles up the road this morning when I was taking Aiden to school because my stomach was so sour, I thought I was about to barf all over myself.  I felt wooze and knew I had to pull over because I had the most precious cargo in the van.

I stop at Burger King and got the kids harsh rounds and orange juice.  I thought if I tried to eat something I would feel better but that didn't help.  Thirty minutes later, I barfed in the BK bag.  All I could hear was Aiden askin' me what was wrong.  I finally stopped and what a relief I felt!  My head stopped hurting and my stomach wasn't hurting nearly as bad.  So, ten minutes later I finally leave.

Prior to leaving this morning, I had grabbed all my medicine from the cabinet.  Aiden was standing there and asked if I had to take all those.  Well, he assumed I "chewed" them; I answered him with a yes.  I told him that I had to take the medicine or else mommy gets real sick and I'll have to go to the hospital.

As I'm getting back on the freeway, Aiden asks me, "Mommy, you said you took your medicine not to get sick and you got sick but you chewed your medicine.  They not work?"  I tried explaining to him mommy's stomach just didn't feel well.  Then he went on to tell me that he was going to tell his teacher that his mommy got sick and cried.

It kinda stinks because I don't them seeing me weak.  I don't know, I've always been that way.  Even after Aiden was born, if you cried around my baby you had to leave the NICU unit until you could gather yourself.  On the hand, it was good because it showed my children that mommy isn't super woman.

The bright side....despite throwing my guts up, my children know how to put a smile on my face.

In Pain

Whelp, got that tooth pulled.  12 shots in the mouth with 2 shots of some kind of med that made my heart due 200mph.  I honestly thought my heart was going to explode.  Took about 4 hours to stop bleeding.  Well, still bleeding just not alot.  Now I got this hole in my mouth and its hurtin'.  Thankfully, he gave me pain meds and thankful it's over!

Nervously Awaiting

I got to go to the oral surgeon in 3 hours. (...and counting...)  Stress not being good for Crohn's..you can imagine how my stomach is doing right now.  I got to get a tooth, yes 1 tooth, pulled because it has a crack in it and it caused an infection on my jawbone.  What's even worse is my doctor told me eventually all my teeth with fall out.  I'm trying to look at the bright side of things but sometimes that is very hard.  Especially when your only 27 years old and falling apart.  Maybe, just maybe, we can find some way of saving the teeth I have left.  At least I have hope, right?

Road Trip

I woke up yesterday and decided I was going to the beach.  So, that I did.  We drove around the entire pennsisula yesterday.  By the end of the trip, I was happy to finally see my house!

Bella feeling sand for 1st time

Matthew and Arabella

I was there!

Just Beauitful

My handsome husband, Tony

One of the Lakes surrounded by the Olympic Mtn. Range

I took this while driving :/ My A-man

Trinity after we got back in the car from the beach.  Her hair proves it lol.

Ducklings

The family went out to adventure.  We found a place by a dock on the Puget Sound.  First, I see this bird that was limping.  Look like he had a broke leg.  Then we pulled around to this other area and out from no where, a mother goose followed by 5 ducklings.  It was the cutest thing ever!  Then there was the 2 "security" ducks in the back.  The mother took the ducklings out to the water.  They were doing great until one drifted off and the mother went and got him.  She then stand at the back of the pack to watch her babies and the "security" geese got in front.  It reminded me of the ugly duckling story.  Nature is so beautiful and to see that mother guide her babies; it was so precious!

Sinus Treatment

I have this sinus kit that you can buy at the drug store, that helps clean or clear the sinus passage.  The kit comes with a bottle and some salt packages to put in the bottle.

So, last night before bed, I thought I would clean it again, however, it was without the solution salt.  My face started burning and it hurt really bad.  My left eyeball felt like it was floating on water with a bunch of pressure and sure I was drowning myself!

My helpful warning to you guys....Your body can't take pure water because our body is made up of salt water.  DO NOT SHOOT PURE H2O IN YOUR NOSE!!!  lol.

Random Thoughts

I'm so sick.  But somehow I managed to mow my yard today before the rain moved in.  My husband told me that my depression meds have finally kicked in to have the energy and being sick.  So, guess that is a good thing.

Arabella is so constipated.  The bloody murder screams, on the tippy toes, trying to hold it in to avoid the pain is killing me.  These are the moments as a mother when you wish you could take their pain and deal with instead of her.  I wish I had something to give her.

Had a conference with Aiden's preschool teacher.  He is doing very well except for the name calling.  He likes to tell people they farted and calling them poopy head and thanks to my 13 year old step son, has taught him to say SOB..for short.  His teacher seems to think that even though he has another year in preschool, he could test in to Kindergarden.  I guess there is a test they give them if their birthday falls within the 30 day window from when the deadline is which is the 2nd of September.  It also cost $100.  I may just wait though and let him start next year because each year after that a child will start school.

I have to go to the Oral Surgeon on monday to have a tooth pulled. In case your wondering why a normal dentist can't do it, well, it all comes back to Crohn's disease.  When your immune system decides not to work there are alot of important things that stop working too.  I don't produce water in my eyes or saliva in my mouth.  Maintaining good teeth is not just brushing and flossing.  Saliva is the key component in good teeth health.  Due to the meds I'm on, I would need more pain medication than the normal dentist can give me, so that's why she referred me to him.  I'm guessing that will be lots of fun...

Did I mention I think there is a shortage in circuit breaker?  Hope the landlord gets on that ASAP because that is a fire hazard.

Well that's enough of my ramblings.

Political Bashing

I love a good political debate, however, I hate morons that feel the need to bash either the President of the United States, the Senate or the House.  If the opposite side took that energy of hatred and reached out to their state representatives to voice their opinion- Their words would be heard in a constructive manner.

September 11, 2001 was one of the worse days this country has ever faced.  I believe this is the day our hour-glass got turned upside down; I have included a video tribute from youtube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xP_ldXXQe0

Before the dust settled, our then President George W. Bush, our country had declared war on Osama Bin Laden; which lead the US into the mountain sides of Afghanistan.  Before we knew it, we had also invaded Iraq.  What was the cause for invading Iraq?  The man and his terrorists that had attacked our country were not in Iraq.  In my opinion I believe that President George W. Bush used this time of disaster to invade Iraq.  Looking back on prior statements that President Bush said; as written by Jake Tapper in his 2003 article, President Bush was asked about Iraq and Bush said, "I'd make darn sure that [Saddam Hussein] lived up to the agreements that he signed back in the early '90s," President Bush continued with: "And if I found -- in any way, shape or form -- that he was developing weapons of mass destruction, I'd take 'em out."

Following that statement the moderator of that presidental debate, Brit Hume, seeked to find clarification of on the words, "Take him out?"  Bush explained, ""take them out," as in, take out the "weapons of mass destruction," he said reported by Tapper.  For someone that meant to say "them", when we invaded Iraq he quickly switched back to, "take him out" and that he did.  Saddam was captured by the US forces where he was hiding in an underground bunker.  Saddam was hung on December 30, 2006.  I cannot help but wonder if father and son gave each other high-fives for taking out the one man they both hated.

Jake Tapper's 2003 Article Bush vs. Bush

Ellen Knickmeyer- Hussein Sentenced to Death by Hanging

With that said, for all the Obama haters out there, take the time like I have to look up things on both sides.  Don't let your views be narrowed by stupidity.  For everything that was happening when President Obama was sworn into office, was at the hands of President Bush and his administration- That is fact.  You cannot not expect one man and his administration to correct, fix, do away with, or just remove problems that are a mile high over night or within 6 months or a year. 
I dedicate this article to all the men and women before us and the men and women fighting for our freedoms right now; my husband being one of them as he served in the Gulf War and Iraq.  For the lives that have been sacrificed and lives being put on the line today- you have given me this freedom to express my opinions.  Next time you see a protestor on the street, tell them to thank the soldiers as they have given them the freedom to stand on that street corner and bitch.

Thank You, Professor

Since April I have seriously been going through hell with Kaplan.  Supposedly I signed a Promissory Note where I was granted $8+K with the agreement that I would pay Kaplan $1,300 a MONTH.  I have 4 kids living pay check to pay check, that is higher than what I'm renting for, and my phone is being shut off come Monday because we can't afford to pay it.  Why in God's name would I ever agree to $1,300 a month???!!!?  NEVER!  I never signed that Note either.  They sent it in my email and I never responded to it.  Kaplan has literally screwed me over.

So, I get a call today from my Academic Advisor. (I sent her emails regarding transcript over a week ago and she never responded to me just like my financial officer refuses to contact me)  She then tells me the reason she is calling is because one of my professors has brought it to her attention that I was having difficult with the financial department.  I started telling her everything I have told her in the past and the phone calls have continued since April 18th.  I told her that, one thing Kaplan doesn't know about me is I'm a maniac depressant.  They are literally driving me insane with all this crap.  Anytime I ask questions, they get rude with me and tell me if I had paid my bill, I wouldn't be getting the phone calls.  She then tells me I need to fill out my FAFSA 10-11 form.  I have, but Kaplan wasn't included in that.  Then she says, "If we get this all taken care of, would you consider staying at Kaplan?"  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  No!  Not just no, but HELL NO!

By the professor contacting her, she is now forwarding the situation on to your boss to see about the steps she needs to take to have this looked into.  Thank you, Professor for contacting them.  Maybe now I can get answers instead of being harassed.

I have had some of the most amazing professors here at Kaplan and I let my advisor know that.  But due to all this financial stuff, they have made all my good experiences clouded by all the bad.  Would I recommend others to join Kaplan, absolutely not.

Last Term at Kaplan

Some of you may know that I have been having alot of problems with the financial department at Kaplan.  Today pushing me over the limit when they called.  When I started asking questions, like I always do, the girl started to get smart with me.  Then I proceeded to blurt out very dirty words, loudly.  I will just be nice enough in my blog not to repeat them since this blog entry is for my English class.

Soon as I got off the phone with her, I changed my email and called my telephone company to change my phone number and make it private number.

So, the past few days I have been searching other colleges to attend.  In process of doing so I found where there are several complaints with the Federal Trade Commission and complaints with different states Attorney General's office on the same exact reason I'm having issues with them.  Alot of my friends that I have meet through Kaplan, posted on Facebook, this too, will be their last term for similar reasons.

I found a private college by the name of Rasmussen College.  They just celebrated their 110th anniversary; doing something right to be around that long.  It does cost more to attend their school but so far they seem to be 500 times better than Kaplan.  It is $420 a credit hour.  You have to take their STEP test to even be accepted to the school; writing, math and reading.  (I aced all of them so I don't have to take any refresher courses thank God!)  Kaplan on the other had just wants you in the school to get your loan money and be buried in debt up to your eyeballs by the time you graduate their school.  The next best thing about Rasmussen College is they will pay for my Exam test to become a RHIT.  That in it self shows you they are accredited.  So just think of all those people that graduated from Kaplan with their HIT degree.  Since Kaplan isn't accredited by AHIMA, you WILL NOT be able to be setted for that exam when you graduate.  (Kaplan didn't tell me this when I decided to join.  I found out they weren't accredited and they are just putting in their application just now, through one of my HIM professors in my 2nd term.)  They also have job placement when you graduate, which they have a 96% employment rate among their students.

I have made it very clear that I want constant contact between the financial department and myself.  If something changes on the account they are too notify me ASAP. 

Now the hard part - Transfer of credits.  I have a very, very good suspension Kaplan will hold my credits until I grow a money tree in my backyard.  Rasmussen will be the ones requesting them as they are the ones that pay for the transcripts.  That will be interesting to say the less.  If I can get everything set up now, I'll be good to go on July 6th which is when their next quarter starts.

Crohn's project

Life as a Online Student

I started attending Kaplan University on August 5, 2009.  I was thrilled and excited to finally be back in school.  I knew things would be difficult because I didn't have kids and wasn't married when I first attended college right after high school.  However, I've managed to survive three terms and working on my fourth.  Sadly, I think this may be my last term here at Kaplan.

During my first term, I had a wonderful professor by the name of Professor Eastwood.  She was such a kind person and opened your eyes to things that you may have closed your eyes too because you didn't want to face them.  This hit home too me because even though it has been, almost, five years since my son had been born, I still blamed myself for his early birth.  It was my fault for my screwed up uterus or maybe I shouldn't have drank so much caffeine or just maybe I walked too much.  Silly things you might think, but just last year I took myself to the doctor and I finally decided to out myself.  I really didn't have to say too much as the Lieutenant saw right through me.  I was diagnosed with postpartum depression.  After the birth of Aiden, birth of my daughter, then getting pregnant with my 3rd child six short months after just giving birth, the move to Alabama by myself and now the move to Washington; it all took its toll on me.  I don't think I would of broke down like I did and get help if it weren't for Professor Eastwood's class.  She is a wonderful instructor and has sweet presence that walks into your life.  For her, I will forever be grateful.

Since the beginning I have always had problems with the financial aid department here at Kaplan.  My first term they changed my financial officer because he messed my account up and I ended up with a credit on my account.  My new financial officer refuses to contact me.  I have contacted him day after day with no response.  They have called my home every single day since April 18, 2010 at which I have been keeping a log; they are breaking the Federal Debt Collection Laws.  Unlike them I can do my math.  My loans and Pell Grant hasn't been sent to the school so, therefore, they are harassing me about it.  The last bill statement they sent me showed that my bill was due on April 30, 2010.  I paid them $100 on April 21, 2010.  Is that considered late to them?  Why are they still harassing me even on weekends and before 9am?  For this, it has turned me away from this school.  Sure I shouldn't say the whole school is bad because of one bad department but I'm not the only one that feels this way.  There are loads of complaints against Kaplan through several states Attorney General's office all having to do with Kaplan's financial department.

One thing I do know for certain, the problems here at Kaplan will not stop me from getting my degree and finally doing something I love.  I will succeed with or without them.

Aiden's Journey to Earth

His Story

Aiden Tomas O'Callahan Johnson was born on September 28, 2005 @ 11:43pm weighing 3lbs 5oz and 16 inches long.  He was delivered in a cold operating room and was born blue.  The next fifty days was a roller coaster and an eye opener to life.

A few things you should know about me first.  I have what they call a bicornuate uterus.  It almost looks like a heart but the middle of it comes all the way down and almost touching my cervix, making it look like I have 2 uterus.  So from the get go, my child is robbed of a full and perfect uterus to grow in.  I had 2 miscarriages leading up to Aiden's birth which were very difficult for me.

My doctor's wanted to follow me closely because of the uterus.  So I had internal ultrasounds every other week.  At 19 weeks, we found out we were having a son.  I was so happy because I've always wanted a son.  Although, my mother wasn't too happy as she wanted me to have a girl.  During week 26's ultrasound, when the doctor pulled that god forsaken thing from me, I started to bleed.  I was rushed up to the Labor and Delivery floor.  I didn't pass go and I sure in the hell didn't collect my 200 dollars!  I was petrified.  I was alone.  All my family was in Alabama, my husband's family lives in Washington/Idaho area and here I was stuck in Connecticut, 22 years old, all alone and my husband is at work.

Shortly after getting into my room, I went to use the bathroom.  (Warning:  If you got a weak stomach this probably is not for you)  I passed a huge clot.  I pulled the emergency cord and I was screaming.  Crying in fear.  My son cannot come right now.  What if something happens to him?  What if...no I did not want to think that.  Nurses and doctors came flooding into my room.  I was put into my bed immediately, monitors went here and there.  My cervix was checked.  They shoved an IV into my veins.  I felt like everything was falling apart around me and still I'm all alone.  After the doctor checked my cervix, I peeked over at my door, which was still wide open during all this, and there stood my husband.  I don't know who was scared more, him or me.  He was just frozen.  I remember the doctor telling him it was O.K., he could go set by his wife.  The doctor informed us we would be in the hospital awhile.

Later that afternoon, my doctor comes back to give us the test results from the swab test.  This test checks for hormones that are secreted right before birth occurs.  It came back positive.  My son would be here within 2 weeks.  He let us know it was not a 100% accurate test but more often than not, it is usually right.  The next 48 hours I was injected with steroids that speeds up the development of my baby's lungs.  It will give him a better chance of survival after he is born.  After day 4 and with the bleeding gone, I was sent home on full bed rest until my baby was born.

September 28th @ 3:30am, I awoke with horrible pains in my back.  I got up and went to the bathroom.  Nothing unusual, so I went and took some Tylenol and tried to lay back down.  I couldn't.  I sat up on the side of my bed and was rocking back and forth.  Tony wakes and asks me whats wrong.  I tell him I think I need to go to the hospital.  He springs from the bed, immediately calling the duty officer letting him know where he would be.

I get to the hospital and they put the monitors on me.  The place was so quite I could hear the entire conversation down the hall where these two women were talking.  I could not stay in the bed no more than 5 minutes at a time.  I constantly felt like I had to pee and the back pains were killing me.  The nurse did everything from rubbing my shoulders, to giving me these hot packet things to put on my back.  She has called the doctor several times and he just keeps telling her, he would be in on his rounds at 7AM!  That pissed me off.  Dr. Dilulo finally shows up to check me.  I was 2 to 3cm dilated and 100% effaced!!!!!!!!  If I wasn't pregnant and totally out of my mind I could have just bitched slapped him for making me wait like that.  So a repeat of what happened two weeks prior, happened.  I was rushed to my room, IV put in, I had 2 doctors, about eight nurses, it was total chaos.  I remember looking up and seeing 6 IV bags hanging on that pole.  We were in the 'stop labor' phase.  In the mist of it all, I remember telling my husband I was sorry on more than one occasion.  In so many ways, I felt like I had let him down and my son because of my problems.  He reassured me he still loved me, it was not my fault and Aiden would be just fine.

At 9pm I told Tony to see if my catheter bag was full.  It wasn't.  I said, "I think I just pee'd myself."  He lifts the blanket and his eyes got big as half dollar coins!  I knew, KNEW something was terribly wrong.  He runs out of the room and heads for the nurses' station.  Next thing I know here comes a flood of nurses, along with the charge nurse.  I was bleeding and I was bleeding bad.  They checked me and I was still 2-3cm.  I heard somewhere in the middle of that conversation that they had called Dr. Auerbach and he was on his way.  I could feel the contractions.  They were coming frequently.  Sarah, who was my nurse was so sweet too me.  She would talk about things to distract me from what was going on.

The doctor arrives and again I'm checked.  At this point I am 6-7cm and 100%.  He did an ultrasound to make sure the baby was head down.  They gave my husband scrubs to put on and rushed me to the Operating Room.  Sarah was at my side the whole time.  I was moved to that cold, cold metal table.  It felt like I had just walked into an ice box.  Finally, my husband arrives in his blues, (laughable) and was on my right side.  Sarah was on my left.  The doctor and surgeon tech was at 'that' end.  We were just "hanging" out.  The contractions were getting unbearable.  I looked over at Sarah and pleaded for pain medication.  I couldn't have anything due to all the medication I was on and the fact of how far a long I was.  I think at one point I looked over at my husband and told him I better get a big fat steak after this.  The tech heard me and said, "And what are we having with that steak?"  I said, "A baked potato with sour cream, bacon bites, and tons of cheese!"  Then a contraction.

It's time.  I'm pushing, pushing, pushing.  Dr.  Auerbach looked up at me, "Tisha, you have to push as hard as you can.  Your baby's heart rate is dropping very low and we have to get this baby out.  You can help me or I can do it the hard way."  I was pushing so hard I almost passed out from the lack of air.  But in the end he cut me open, yes down there, to give my son "lots" of room.  He was born.  The first thing I asked, "Is he breathing?"  The doctor held him up and he was blue.  He looked so lifeless.  He was handed over to the NICU team that was awaiting his arrival.

Sarah told me everything would be O.K. and she would check on me tomorrow.  I thanked her for staying with me.  It was passed her shift, so staying meant alot to me.  We went back to my room to get cleaned up.  All I keep asking, "When can I see my son?"  "The doctor will be in to talk to you as soon as they get him all comfortable.", said the nurse.

I called my mother to give her the great news.  She was once again a grandmother to a beautiful baby boy.  She was just crying and crying.  I know her heart was aching because she couldn't be with me.  In that moment I knew exactly how my mother felt.  Here I was in the same hospital with my son and I couldn't be with him.  We cried, said our goodbyes and I promised my mom that I would be O.K.

At 1:27am (which by the way is the exact time I was born), I got wheeled down to the NICU to see my son.  There he was laying in that tiny bed.  He had tubes all around him.  I remember counting his fingers and his toes.  I touched his little body all over.  I stood next to him and whispered to him that mommy was here and will always be here.  I never cried.  It was like my tears dried up before I went into the NICU.  I think I feared if I cried, then my son would feel his mother's sadness and would make him sad.  When all I wanted was for him to focus on growing and getting better.

For the next 50 days I went to see my son every single day.  All my energy was focused on him.  I remember when he was 2 weeks old, I heard him cry for the very first time.  I just started bawling.  I thought they were hurting him.  The beginning was rough.  He had a tube put into his side to drain fluid, he had a hemorrhage in his left eye, hernia in his belly button and he had to have 3 blood transfusions.  Even through all that I knew my son would be o.k.  I stayed strong for him and for he was my strength to get through every single day. 

Aiden is my miracle and I thank the heavens above that he spared my son so he could be with me.  I have to believe Aiden was put on this earth for a reason and he was born early for a reason.  He is my pride and joy and I cannot believe he will be 5 years old this year.

His Nana visiting him for the 1st time

Hand in Hand

Daddy holding his son for the 1st time

Saying Good-Bye to my hospital family

I would also like to take a moment to warn all the girls in this world.... Aiden is my baby.  I will never "give him away" like I will my daughters'.  You hurt my son, I will hurt you.  If he decides to marry you, you better make sure you buy me a ring because you will be marrying me too!  He is my baby and will always be my baby.  So, women...Just remember this warning.

Yesterday's Fun

I've been busy all weekend getting this box ready to be shipped to my mother's down in Alabama.  Its full of pictures, movies, Aiden's artwork and some Washington souvenirs.  Going to have to put a 2-3 day on in it as I told her I would get it too her before Mother's day.

With that put aside for awhile, the family and I headed up to Silverdale to get some lunch at Applebee's.  On the way there all I heard was Matthew bitching, moaning and groaning how Aiden was annoying and how he was not apart of this family.  We arrive at Applebee's and I'm so happy!  I have not had Applebee's or even been out to a restaurant like this is a very long time.  Then it continued inside.  Matthew just wanted 1 little hamburger.  So finally I told him and this father, they needed to stop.  I came out to enjoy myself not to listen to them fight all day.

After that, we headed over to the mall where I got my ears pierced again.  I now have 4 holes instead of 2.  The kids thought I was going to cry like a baby because Tony told them I was getting shots in my ears.  Technically, he was right but our 4 year old son that it was like the shots mommy gives herself in the leg.  Aiden even told the lady right before she started to do it, that mommy gave herself shots.  I got pink ice heart earrings.

We walked around awhile because that was the 1st time we had been to the mall.  I mean we were there to get our pictures taken at Sears but we never went further than that.  We got a laugh out of Victoria's Secrets being across the way from Motherhood.  Gotta love that!  Then we wondered down to Game Stop where we were going to buy a Wii but decided to head home.

It was a long day.  Kids was screaming from exhaustion and I was just ready to sit down.  I had a great time and I hope the rest of the family did too.